This old dog get some new life
Question: I am 47 and have been divorced four years. Since then, I haven’t dated or been sexual with anybody other than my hand. I was so embarrassed by my divorce that I couldn’t get involved with any woman. Now I’ve begun a wonderful relationship with a 35-year-old woman who I’ve known for years, and it’s great.
The first night we were together, I had gotten some Viagra from my doctor just in case my penis decided to go his own way. But even with the drug, I can’t seem to make my penis feel the energy or excitement that my body and mind feel. She has been very understanding, but I wonder if there’s a pill or something that would enhance my testosterone levels to make me feel complete and whole again.
This past weekend, even with some great oral, I could not keep and erection. Please help this old dog get some new life into these old parts.
Answer: It’s highly unlikely that you are deficient in testosterone. But to put your mind at ease, we suggest you ask your doctor to test it. We presume you've been taking 50 mg of Viagra. You might ask your doctor if But in cases like yours, more drugs are usually not necessary. A little rethinking of sex usually works. Clearly you were very stressed out by your divorce, and you're anxious about sex with your new love, especially since the first few times did not go all that well.
Here's what we suggest: * Don't drink any alcohol for four hours before sex. Alcohol is a central nervous * Tell your new love that your erection situation is no reflection on your feelings for her or your hopes about your relationship, that it's the result of your anxiety about returning to a sexual relationship after your divorce. She will most likely understand and be willing to help you work on your situation. * Slow everything down. Don't simply undress, jump into bed, and go for intercourse. It takes men in your situation--and men of your age--longer to warm up to genial sex than it did when you were younger and not yet divorced. Give your penis the warm up time it needs. (Women also need extended warm-up time, so your new love should appreciate this.) Hug and kiss with your clothes on. Massage each other. Try showering together before you get into bed. In bed, give and receiving whole-body massage for at least 30 minutes BEFORE she focuses on your penis. She can touch it during whole-body massage, but she shouldn't focus on it for a half hour. Penises become erect more reliably, when the man's entire skin surface has become sensually aroused.
* Breathe deeply. Sigh if you like. Deep breathing is fundamental to relaxation, and relaxation is fundamental to erection.
* Fantasize. Think about anything that turns you on. You don't have to think only about your new love.
* Use the woman-on-top intercourse position. It's less stressful for the man than man-on-top, so it's less likely to deflate your erection. She should stroke your penis as she kneels over you, and as she sits down on it. You should continue to breathe deeply.
* If this doesn't provide sufficient relief, like we said you could try another 50 mg of Viagra. You might also consider sex therapy, which is very successful in resolving problems like yours.
To find a sex therapist near you, contact either or both of these organizations: The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) at (804) 644-3288, or on the Web at www.aasect.org, or the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS), (610) 530-2483, or www.sexscience.org.
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