The flame is barely flicker now, help!
Question: My husband and I have been married for a little over two years and were together a year before that. When we started dating, our sex life was great. But shortly before we got married, it started going downhill. We did it a lot less frequently. I passed it off as nerves because of our approaching wedding, but after that, it never got better. It has gotten worse! Right now, we are at a new low. It’s been at least two months since we had sex.
Answer: First, your situation is fairly typical, just a little more extreme. In the vast majority of relationships, the hot-and-heavy period lasts from 6 months to 2 years. Yours was at least 2 years, longer than most. Now you're like millions of other couples.
You two have a desire difference, though it sounds like your husband has pretty much lost his libido, which makes things more complicated. We suggest that the two of you consult a sex therapist.
A sex therapist will NOT try to persuade him to want sex more often, nor will a therapist tell you to want it any less. The therapist will help you and your husband laid all your sexual cards on the table, and then helps you come up with a sexual frequency you can both live with more or less comfortably.
To find a sex therapist near you, contact either or both of these organizations: The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) at (804) 644-3288, or on the Web at www.aasect.org, or the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS), (610) 530-2483, or www.sexscience.org.
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