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• » Is it normal for a straight woman, to have sexual curiosity & fantasies about other women?

Question: I am a straight woman, but I often have sexual fantasies about other women. Is this normal?

Answer: It's perfectly normal--and fairly common--for people who identify as heterosexual to have same-sex fantasies. Sexual orientation is not always an either-or affair. Some people are 100 percent hetero with no interest in or curiosity about same-sex lovers. Others are 100 percent homosexual, with no interest in the opposite sex. But many people fall somewhere in between. Many people are basically hetero with some homo interest--whether they limit it to fantasy or act on it. Others are or basically homo with some hetero interest. And some are bisexual, with clear interest in sex with both men and women. All these sexualities are normal. If you enjoy your same-sex fantasies, then carry on. Enjoy them. We believe in complete freedom of sexual fantasy. In fantasy, everything is permitted and nothing is wrong. (Of course, you must always be clear on the difference between fantasy and reality.) We suggest that you relax about your same-sex fantasies, and enjoy this aspect of your sexuality as a special gift--twice as many potential people to fantasize about than total heterosexuals. Do same-sex fantasies mean you're gay or lesbian? No. All they mean is that you get turned on by same-sex fantasies. You can be a very happy, well-adjusted heterosexual and have same-sex fantasies. However, same-sex fantasies suggest that you're not 100 percent absolutely and only heterosexual. They indicate at least some homoerotic interest. That's fine. It's perfectly normal to be homosexual/lesbian. And it's perfectly normal to be basically hetero with some same-sex interest. Should you act on same-sex fantasies? That's not for us to say. That's for you to decide--and you alone. Think about it. Fantasize about it. Take your time. Figure out what you'd like to do. If you'd like a good resource that may help you make up your mind, visit Bisexual Internet Resources on the Web: www.bisexual.org/BiResources.html. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 26. I'm interested in having my nipples and clit pierced. Is this safe? Q: I have pierced ears and a nose ring. I'm interested in having my nipples and clit pierced. I know women who have had done this, who say it was no problem. But I wonder if it's safe. Is it? Does it hurt to have your nipples pierced? Can men get their nipples pierced? A: Men and women can get their nipples pierced. For those aroused by it, nipple and clitoral piercing can bring excitement and new pleasure, but erotic piercing also carries some risks. If you've had your ears pierced, you know that for a few weeks afterward, you have to treat the holes with an antiseptic solution to prevent infection. As the various parts of the anatomy go, the ear lobes don't come in contact with all that many bacteria, and the ear lobe environment--cool, dry, and exposed to light--does not favor the growth of most germs. But infections can still develop if you neglect the antiseptic. The situation with nipples and between the legs is quite different. Those areas are in the dark much of the time, because of clothing. They are also warmer--in the case of nipples, because of clothing, and with the clitoris, clothing and extra body heat from its position between the thighs. Darkness and warmth favor the growth of many potentially infection-causing micro-organisms. The clitoris is also more likely than the ears and nipples to come in contact with bacteria and fungi that might cause problems. It's adjacent to the vagina, which normally contains several different micro-organisms, for example, yeast, and fairly close to the anus, a source of many bacteria, for example, E. coli, the bug that causes urinary tract infections. The upshot is that nipple piercing and especially clitoral piercing are both medically riskier than ear piercing, with clitoral piercing the most potentially problematic. In recent years, as body piercing has become more popular, the medical journals have published an increasing number of reports of infections and other problems, especially among people with pierced tongues. If you really want to pierce your nipples or clitoris--actually, it's the clitoral hood that usually gets pierced--we would advise caution. Interview providers in advance. Ask about their procedures. Before piercing, the area should be thoroughly washed with soap and then disinfected with alcohol. A local anesthetic ointment should be applied. If you're really pain-shy, consul a medical professional about an injected local anesthetic. The piercer should wear latex gloves. The piercing instrument should be sterilized. You should use antiseptic on the area twice a day for several weeks. If you develop ANY signs of infection afterwards--pain, warmth, redness, or oozing from the hole--consult a physician promptly. And if you're nervous, consult your doctor before and after. If you'd like to experiment with nipple piercing without actually doing it, Xandria.com offers some products that can simulate the experience, notably Nipple Rings and Nipple Pleasers. They attach like clip-on ear rings, and can provide all the pleasure of piercing without going under the needle. Nipple Rings and Nipple Pleasers can also be used on the clitoral hood and vaginal labia.