I need an aphrodesiac.
Question: I'm a 27-year-old woman, currently living with a man who has been my friend for three years. I've realized I want to have sex with him really bad. In fact, it's hard for me to think about anything but sex when I'm around him. I am sure he also feels sexual attraction towards me. Are there any products (such as pills, foods, oils, etc.) that may enhance his desire? I don't want to be too direct, as I'm afraid of scaring him off. Losing his friendship would devastate me.
Answer: Sounds to us like you want him to take the sexual initiative instead of having to do that yourself. We sympathize. Proffering a sexual invitation is something of an emotional risk. The inviter always feels nervous, vulnerable and possibly tongue-tied. You put yourself out there and you're emotionally at the mercy of the invitee, who has the power to say "no." Inviting someone to bed is often especially difficult for women, who have been socialized to wait for men to take the initiative. We don't know of any products that would make him take the initiative, so it looks like you have to be the one to offer the sexual invitation. Your fear, you say, is that doing so might scare him off and cost you his friendship. We don't know the dynamics of your friendship, but we tend to doubt that a single sexual invitation offered lovingly will drive him away.
Even if he's not inclined to become your lover, he's likely to feel flattered by your affection and desire for him. We suggest that you orchestrate a date, something you both enjoy -- dinner, a movie, whatever. Tell him how much you enjoy and value is friendship and then mention that you have had sexual fantasies of the two of you together. If he reciprocates, great. If not, you can beat a hasty retreat and say that what's really important is your friendship. Chances are you can preserve your friendship no matter what he says about having sex.
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