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• » He Won't Play With Toys

Question: My new boyfriend is very hesitant about using a vibrator or any toy in the bedroom. I've mentioned it several times and it seems that he is disgusted by the thought. What can I do? He is good in bed but I would like a little more excitement and stimulation.

Answer: The best way to introduce sex toys to a man who feels reluctant to use them is to start not with toys, but with a sexual lubricant. Compared with most toys, lube vials are small and don't appear threatening. A little dab on your palm, and hand jobs instantly become more exciting. A little on the penis and vagina and intercourse immediately feels more pleasurable. When men experience the enhancement a little lube brings, that often allows the woman to suggest that there are many other ways to enhancing sex play, for example, toys. Men who appreciate lubricants are usually more receptive to toys. Meanwhile, many men feel threatened by vibrators and other sex toys, fearing that the toys might replace them. It often helps to reassure a man that the best carpenters use power tools. Power tools don't diminish the carpenter. They just get the job done more efficiently. Vibrators are not as important to sex as power tools are to carpentry. Vibes and other toys don't replace a man's kisses and caresses. Toys can’t hold you. They can't listen to your problems or offer advice. Toys can't cuddle or take you out. All they can do is add some enhancement in sex play. Toys just add a different type of sensation that many women find pleasurable. Finally, many men get very turned on when they see their lover very turned on. If he won't use toys with you, ask him to watch you use a toy on yourself for just a little while. Then show him how turns on you get. Chances are he'll like that and slowly get used to the idea of playing with toys with you.