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• » Can I make sex more pleasurable for her?

Question: I have a very small penis and feel this is threatening my sex life with my new partner. Is there any way I can make sex more pleasurable for her?

Answer: What makes you believe you have “very small” penis? If you’re comparing yourself to the telephone poles you see in pornography, sure, you’re smaller. Just about every man is. The men in porn are not cast for acting ability, just for their freakishly large size. For the record, the typical adult flaccid penis measures 2.5 to 4 inches in length, with a similar circumference. The typical erection measures 5 to 6.5 inches, with a circumference of 3 to 4.5 inches. Now, before you pull out a ruler and what’s between your legs, let’s be clear on the fine points of penis measurement--along the top from the base of the shaft to the tip. Flaccid size has nothing to do with erection size. It’s quite possible to have a flaccid penis on the small side, and a 7-inch erection. In general, the smaller the flaccid penis, the more length and girth it gains in erection. Men care a great deal about their size, as you know. But the vast majority of women feel differently. Yes, a few women want a big one. However, when women ask sex experts about men’s penis size, there’s virtually no yearning for guys hung like horses. Women typically express two concerns: Why is my guy so obsessed with his size? And my guy’s penis is TOO LARGE. I’m afraid intercourse is going to hurt me. There’s an old blues song: It Ain’t the Meat, It’s the Motion. In it a woman sings: “It ain’t the meat, it’s the motion/ That makes your mama wanna rocki. It ain’t the meat, it’s the motion. It’s the movement that gives it the sock.” No matter what your size. how you use your penis is more important than its size. Here are some suggestions sure to make sex more pleasurable for your lover: * Postpone intercourse. Men typically become highly sexually aroused much more quickly than women. You might feel ready for intercourse three minutes into sex. But most women take 20 to 30 minutes to warm up to it. This is normal, natural--and preferable--even for men. Longer warm-up time makes sex more fun for both lovers, and it helps men maintain their erections and avoid rapid ejaculation. Give her all the time she needs to become fully aroused. Kiss, hug, and hold her. Run your hands all over her from the top of her head to her feet. Don’t grab for her crotch right away. Tell her: “I’m not going to touch you between the legs until you invite me to.” If you say this--and follow through on it--she’s virtually certain to consider you a good lover, much better than guys with bigger tools who can’t wait to stuff them in. When she invites you to caress her genitals, be very gentle. Don’t immmediately push your fingers inside her. Fondle her vaginal lips. And very, very gently caress her clitoris. As you do this, say one more thing, “I’m not going to initiate intercourse until you invite me inside you.” * When she invites you in, Don’t plunge inside her. First, apply a sexual lubricant to both your penis and her vagina. Many men don’t appreciate the fact that intercourse can feel uncomfortable to many women. Lube makes it much more comfortable. * Don’t push in deep right away. The most erotically sensitive part of the vagina is the lips. Use the head of your penis to tease them. Then run it up to her clitoris. And even after you’ve gone deep, pull back out and tease her vaginal lips and clitoris some more--and often. * Use the woman-on-top position. Many women prefer to be on top. You lie fairly still. That way, shey can control the speed and depth of insertion, something most women appreciate. * Cultivate a slow, sensual rhythm. Don’t pump in and out furiously like the guys in porn. Think of intercourse as a slow dance. Move in, out, and all around with an awareness of how the woman is moving. Move with her. * Finally, it ain’t the meat, it’s the clitoris. Sex surveys agree that fewer than half of women have orgasms during intercourse no matter how long it lasts or how large the penis. Intercourse simply doesn’t provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to have orgasms. Sure, have intercourse. Enjoy it. But if you really want to please your lover, gently fondle her clitoris. Better yet, lick it. Given a choice between a huge penis and a patient, gentle lover who provides lots of oral sex, most women would choose the latter.