Can I learn to be orgasmic while having sex without a toy?
Question: I have been unable to have orgasms while having intercourse. However, with an intense vibrator, I can. How can I learn to be orgasmic while having sex without a vibrator?
Answer: The good news is: You’re normal. Many, many women cannot express orgasm during intercourse. There is nothing wrong with you. Repeat: NOTHING WRONG. Fewer than half of women can express orgasm during intercourse. Among women under 25, the proportion that cannot is even higher. The key to triggering orgasm in women is clitoral stimulation. The clitoris sits outside the vagina, above it, under the spot where the vaginal lips meet. During vaginal intercourse, the clitoris just doesn’t get that much stimulation, so, no surprise, many women can’t express orgasm during intercourse. Like you, they need direct clitoral stimulation with a vibrator—or a hand, tongue, or penis that leaves the vagina and runs up the vulva to contact the clitoris. Are you doomed to a lifetime of never coming during intercourse? Probably not. As women become more comfortable with themselves sexually, and with their lovers, they sometimes relax enough to express orgasm during intercourse. In addition, here are some tips that can help you express orgasm with his penis inside you: In the woman-on-top position, ask him to place his fist at the junction of your two lower pelvises. If you lean into his fist, you may be able to enjoy enough direct clitoral stimulation to come. You might also try using a vibrator in this position. He you can try the “coital alignment technique.” This is a slight variation on the man-on-top position. Instead of having his chest against yours and his penis moving in and out horizontally, he moves up so that his chest is over one of your shoulders. His penis moves more up and down, and his pubic bone, the bone above the base of his penis, may provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow you express orgasm. Studies show that the coital alignment technique increases the proportion of women who can come during intercourse. It’s not a guaranteed fix, but it increases your odds of orgasm during intercourse.
The fact that you don’t come during intercourse doesn’t negate the enjoyment and intimacy of that experience. By the way, it you let go of the expectation that you “should” come during intercourse, chances are you’ll relax more during intercourse—and be more likely to come.
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