Can I get him interested in sex when he's sober?
Question: I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year, and he's never had the strongest erections. He doesn't take any medications regularly, neither OTC nor prescribed.
Here's the really odd part: You've mentioned that alcohol can cause erectile problems, but when he's been drinking he gets harder! That leads me to be believe it could be a psychological thing - maybe when he's sober he thinks of sex as more of a chore than a treat?
Any ideas?
Answer: : Erection depends on physiology, relaxation, and erotic focus. Alcohol is a depressant and as such, at sufficient doses, it interferes with the physiology of erection. In some men, a drink or two is enough to do this. But in other men, your boyfriend apparently among them, moderate drinking is an aid to relaxation and erotic focus, which probably explains why his erections are firmer after some alcohol.
We're guessing that he's nervous about sex, either consciously or subconsciously, and that he needs to relax to function at his best. We're reluctant to encourage him to drink all the time before sex because dependence on alcohol should never be encouraged, and because as he gets older, he's likely to become more physiologically sensitive to alcohol's depressant--and erection impairing--effects.
So we'd suggest that you and he look for some nonchemical aids to sexual relaxation, for example, a hot bath or massage beforehand, or a cup of chamomile tea.
Please let us know if nonalcoholic approaches work as well for him as drinking.
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