Anal sex: Can I really like it?
Question: My husband's 40th birthday is coming up and I want to give him a gift I know he wants but I've never given, anal intercourse. I do enjoy him inserting a well-lubricated finger into my well lubricated rear, but his penis is large and thick and I haven't wanted to take it up there. In the past, when we've discussed anal sex, he's promised to go slow, but that's what a previous lover said before he gave me major pain in the you-know-where. So I'm in a quandary. I want to give my husband what he wants, but beyond even more lubrication, I have no idea how to make anal sex more comfortable. Do you?
Answer: Yes we do and we're glad you asked. Your question is quite common and it's a shame how many couples shy away from anal intercourse because of concerns like yours.
You're right about lavish lubrication. It's absolutely critical. But the kind you use is just as important as the amount. The water-based lubes we prefer for fondling and oral and vaginal intercourse often feel a little thin around the back door. Many lovers we know swear by good old Crisco, but we prefer Xandria's Anal Lube, which combines a creamy, unscented, petroleum-based lube with just a kiss of topical anesthetic to slightly desensitize your little opening.
Speaking of the petite portal, it's quite a leap from a finger or two to a thick erection. We'd recommend more gradual dilation of your anus, the kind provided by Xandria's Fun Plugs or Anal Explorer kit. Fun Plugs are two inserts specially designed for the fanny. The small plug is one-half inch in diameter; the large plug, one and a half inches. Both have rounded tips for easy entry, slightly bulging shafts to accent the dilation and a wide Saf-T-Base for easy, comfortable removal. The Anal Explorer contains a variety of graduated anal accessories that vary from a sleeve (one-half inch) to a large butt plug (one and a half inches). One nice thing about butt plugs is that their reverse hourglass shape allows you to hold them inside you effortlessly for extended periods. It often takes 15 to 30 minutes of dilation for anal muscles to relax enough to comfortably accommodate a penis. Unlike toys with other shapes, butt plugs won't slip out as your backdoor slowly relaxes and opens.
Finally, there's the issue of insertion. You should control it, not your husband. If you're in control, there's nothing unexpected. You and your tush can remain relaxed and receptive. Two positions are best. He stands beside the bed with you on your hands and knees. He holds his glans on your anus but -- and this is key -- he does not move. You do the moving, backing onto him at your own pace. Or he can lie on his back with you straddling him. Either of you holds his bone as you back onto him. As you receive his erection, breathe deeply to maintain your relaxation. When you've accepted as much as you comfortably can, then you can both experiment with moving. But go slow.
P.S. Tell your hubby Happy Birthday from Xandria.
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