After the birth of my baby, I want sex less. Why?
Question: I had a baby about seven months ago. Since then, I haven't completely regained my sex drive. I used to crave sex every day. I still feel as attracted to my spouse as ever, and want to have him enjoy my big, milk-filled breasts. But I want sex less. Why?
Answer: There are several possible reasons why your sex drive has not recovered since you had your baby, notably the hormonal changes involved in breast-feeding and the exhaustion of being a new parent. You may also be experiencing a postpartum emotional reaction.
Postpartum, a woman's estrogen level drops, and levels of two other hormones, prolactin and oxytocin, rise and remain high while the woman breast-feeds. Prolactin and oxytocin have libido-dampening effects. This makes biological sense. The biological purpose of life is to reproduce life. While breast-feeding, a woman's body reduces the potential distraction of sexual interest so the woman can focus most of her energy on nurturing the baby.
Meanwhile, parenting takes a tremendous amount of energy, more than most new parents suspect. Sexual energy tends to suffer, often for quite a while. In addition, chances are that you've been getting up at night with the baby. Sleep deprivation can also sap sexual energy.
Finally, many women experience postpartum emotional reactions that can reduce libido. You don't have to have full-blown postpartum depression to experience a loss of sexual interest. Even minor emotional reactions can do this. Once you stop breast-feeding and things settle into more of a routine on the parenting front, your libido should return. If it doesn¹t we suggest you discuss it with your doctor. You might also contact the self-help organization, Post-Partum Support International. 927 North Kellogg Ave., Santa Barbara, CA 932111; (805) 967-7636; www.iup.edu/an/post-partum.
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