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• » 21 year-old virgin who can't come.

Question: I am a 21-year-old virgin woman. I have a boyfriend who performs oral sex on me. I feel a little tingling sensation, but do not come. When he fingers me it feels good for a while, but I still can't come. Afterward, my vagina feels very sore. What is the problem?

Answer: Based on your brief question, it's hard to say. But your sore vagina suggests insufficient lubrication and if so, it also suggests rushed lovemaking, which might explain why you're having difficulty with orgasm. Young men typically become fully sexually aroused more quickly than most young women. Men are often ready and eager for intercourse long before women. If men push fingers or penises into women who are not fully aroused, the women can suffer vaginal soreness afterward. We have a few suggestions. First read Sexual Solutions: For Men and the Women who Love Them, by Xandria.com Advisory Board Member, Michael Castleman. It's the classic sex guide and it's written especially for young adults like you. It should give you and your boyfriend solid background in the fine points of lovemaking. A key point is to extend foreplay substantially and not to rush intercourse. This allows the woman to become fully aroused and receptive to orgasm. In addition, Sexual Solutions also contains erotic drawings that might help put you in the mood for sex. Next, use a commercial lubricant. Your boyfriend's oral caresses can help lubricate you, but your soreness suggests that he's not giving you enough tongue or that you are not producing enough natural lubrication to enjoy vaginal sex without soreness (don't worry, many women don't produce much natural lubrication, there's nothing wrong with you). A commercial lubricant can help. Xandria.com sells several, plus a Lubricant Sampler Kit that contains small samples of five good lubricants so you can identify the one you like best. Even if you and your boyfriend extend foreplay and use a lubricant, you still may not be able to have an orgasm. Not to worry. Many, many women, especially young women, have difficulty bringing forth the orgasms waiting within them. For some women orgasms simply happen. For others, they must learn how to have them. Sex therapists enjoy good success helping women learn how to reach orgasm. To obtain a list of certified sex therapists in your area, contact the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) at (319) 895-8407 or by e-mail at thesociety@worldnet.att.net.