The Secrets of Electric Orgasms
Author: Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
Hi! I'm Betty Dodson, author of Sex for One and producer of several erotic sex-ed videos that are available from the Xandria Collection.
I'd like to talk about using an electric massager for private and shared sexual pleasures which has become quite popular, especially in the last ten years. The word "vibrator" is confusing because many people think it's a battery operated penis shaped toy. I'm talking about the plug-in electrical massagers, like the Pollenex massager in the Xandria catalog or a similar wand-style massager. Electric massagers deliver strong, consistent vibrations, while the battery toys have a much milder vibration. The phallic-shaped toys can be used for clitoral stimulation or penetration, but the electric massagers are never used internally. I prefer the electric massagers, but I also have battery vibrators in my drawer of adult toys in case a friend likes them best.
When using an electric massager on your body, the strong vibrations relax the muscles and stimulate a new supply of blood to where the massager is placed; neck, shoulders, legs. Applying pressure increases the intensity of the sensation as the head of the machine goes deeper into a muscle. But it's not wise to use a massager the same way for sexual pleasure. Relying on "pressure only" for a sexual build-up is the most common problem when a woman is new to electric orgasms. The minute it feels good, the natural tendency is to press harder to make it feel better. But bearing down with a massager on the sensitive clitoral, or penile glans will either cause the loss of all sensation or discomfort which will end your session. While pressure might produce a fast explosive orgasm, it's not a sustainable kind of genital stimulation. In order to spread good feelings to other parts of the body, we have to use a lighter touch, move the pelvis and breathe out loud.
Even though we know that no two orgasms are alike and the range is endless, I'm going to talk about three basic styles of building sexual excitation to achieve sexual release: Tension Orgasms, Relaxation Orgasms and what I call Rock and Roll Orgasms. But before I discuss these different styles, let me say there's no such thing as a "bad orgasm" nor is there one right way to have one. I'm talking about three basic methods of getting sexual pleasure.
The Tension Orgasm is bearing down with the massager while tensing the body and holding the breath until everything explodes. This can also take place with manual sex, oral sex and during sexual intercourse. Many men rely on muscle tension, breath retention and moving faster to get a quick, explosive climax. The pleasure with a tension orgasm feels good like a sneeze or urinating after waiting a while or any other moment when the body releases anything. I believe this style goes back to childhood masturbation when playing with ourselves was all about being silent and doing it fast so we wouldn't get caught. My little, fast comes were delicious and I looked forward to them night after night. To this day, I still like to have a quickie, but they're maintenance orgasms rather than a ritual of extended pleasure that leads to a total body release.
I first became aware of the Relaxation Orgasm by observing women who made no movements, used no muscle tension, breathed rhythmically and appeared to be asleep, until suddenly, they'd be in the throes of orgasm. When they talked about their experience, most said they were tensing only the vaginal muscles while relaxing the rest of the body by breathing deeply. Then I realized that the Relaxation Orgasms came into my life when I was sixteen. I had them from manual sex with my high school boyfriend. As a teenager, I didn't want to make any overt sexual moves or sounds that might damage my "good girl" image, so every time I felt a charge in my clitoris, instead of moving into the sensation to heighten it, I completely relaxed and let go. Like sleeping beauty, I languished in a suspended state of animation until the orgasm came and got me. My rationale was, I wasn't responsible for anything -- it just "happened."
In my twenties, I had a few relaxed orgasms under circumstances that were always difficult to repeat. One time, my lover and I were watching TV and throughout a one hour movie, he casually played with my genitals while I relaxed until I finally came at the end. It felt great, but we never did it again and I was too shy to request it. There were also a few relaxed orgasms in my sleep, waking up as I came. Later on in my forties, I tried this technique with a woman lover where we agreed to take turns doing each other while we completely relaxed. After two hours I still hadn't come, so we abandoned the experiment. While relaxed orgasms are lovely, these experiences have been relatively few and far between because of the time and patience involved.
The Rock and Roll Orgasm is really a combination of the first two, where muscles are tensed and relaxed rhythmically, along with pelvic rocking, PC muscle contractions and breathing to build up sexual tension slowly. Spending more time to gradually increase sexual excitement increases the intensity of orgasm, making it last longer and allowing it to be felt it in other parts of the body besides the genitals. The energy can move up into the entire pelvic bowl or it can be felt in the legs, arms, hands and facial muscles as heat or a tingling sensation. The whole body contracts with spasms of pleasure, followed by aftershocks of chills and thrills that ripple through the body without any conscious thought or effort.
The electric Rock and Roll Orgasms is what I taught in the workshops and now my private sessions. We use pelvic rocking, conscious breathing, varied rhythms for the massager on our genitals and a cloth between the clitoris and the massager to control the degree of intensity. Get a soft, sensuous fabric that's big enough to fold several times. Try it folded four times with the massager turned on low. Then, gradually unfold the cloth as sexual arousal increases. After twenty minutes or so, you might find one layer is enough.
Now, start moving the massager so it doesn't remain in one place on your genitals. As you do this, rock your pelvis forward and back, tensing the buttocks and squeezing the PC muscle as you thrust forward and relaxing your muscles when you drop back. Do this for a few minutes until you get a rhythm that feels comfortable. Next, as you rock forward and tighten the muscles, exhale. As you gradually let go and relax everything, inhale. Some women prefer the reverse of this, exhaling when they let go and inhaling when they tense. It doesn't matter as long as you're breathing out loud. Taking in oxygen energizes the entire body.
In the beginning, tensing and relaxing the muscles, inhaling and exhaling out loud, rocking the pelvis forward and back and moving the massager slow or fast will seem complicated, but similar to learning how to drive a car, you'll do it automatically. Later on, you can focus the mind with sexual fantasies that will further heighten your pleasure. Every time we learn something new sexually, it's a good idea to end up with your "old faithful" masturbation style. Every practice session deserves the reward of an orgasm and it doesn't matter whether it's with tension, relaxation or both.
Middle aged and older men are finally learning about the sexual pleasures available from an electric massager. Once they let go of the concept these machines are for women only, they too can have electric orgasms with a partial erection or no erection at all. Every thing I say about breathing, moving, using the PC muscle, anal eroticism and using electric massagers applies equally to men. That includes using a folded washcloth to control the intensity of the sensations and using sexual fantasies during a session selfloving. Now both women and men can enjoy many happy electric orgasms together and apart.