Setting the Mood
Author: Dr. Louanne Cole-Weston
Hello, I'm Dr. Louanne Cole. Some of the best sexual experiences are spontaneous and unplanned, but some of the most wonderful are planned out like a gourmet meal -- fantasized about, designed and orchestrated for the fullest range of pleasurable effects. The planning can be almost as much fun as the "meal" itself. Setting the mood nearly always involves the art of seduction. This requires self-confidence, enthusiasm, imagination, emotional generosity, action and the ability to take a risk and sometimes withstand a lukewarm response. This segment is designed to bring out the sexual epicure in you when it comes to setting the mood.
One of the most frequent complaints I hear from couples is that their sexual relationship is routine, predictable and sometimes downright boring. Many times it's the rituals involved in getting ready to be sexual that contribute to the sex itself seeming ordinary. For many couples that involves closing the shades, turning down the lights, locking the doors, turning the TV off (maybe) and preparing the bed. During that period some people lose their enthusiasm or even have second thoughts about the whole enterprise. Whenever possible, avoid these interruptions by planning ahead.
I have heard from many women and some men, that they feel taken for granted as sexual partners -- particularly if they have been married or together for several years. In most cases, there has been little imagination applied to their sexual relationship by either partner! When there is evidence that you have thought ahead about a sexual encounter, suspense builds and anticipation accumulates. A key to erasing sexual boredom is the element of surprise. So note which of the following sexual considerations you want to implement in your relationship. Some ideas will fit your style and personality, others you should feel free to adapt.
Your first consideration might be where you intend to set your mood. This might be in the bedroom, but if you have the luxury of selecting another location, you may want to do so. Imagine being on a secluded beach, on a hilltop, at a hotel or motel, in a private room with a jacuzzi or cabin in the forest. Once you've selected the location, you'll need to think about what accoutrement you'll want there. Will you want a fireplace, pillows, satin sheets, fur mits for massage, ostrich feathers, massage oil, flavored oil, edible powder, warming oil or vibrators?
If you intend to create a mood in a bath setting, you may want lots of towels, a big soft sponge, liquid scented soaps, a bath pillow, comfortable robes, a candle, incense, a shower massage attachment and a container for pouring warm streams of water over your partner's body (be sure it isn't glass). If you have very bright lighting in your bathing area or anywhere you set your mood, a dimmer switch gives you many options for lighting that is easy on the eyes and yet not totally dark. You may also want to bring some soothing sounds into your bathing area.
Including sound in setting your mood can be an important decision. It can influence your partner's response and also convey the type of sexual mood you've intended for that encounter. The range is quite wide when it comes to sound. You can choose soft jazz, a soothing new age electronic sound, romantic classical, popular songs from the era when you sexually came of age or the simple sound of waves rolling up on the shore. Sometimes you may just opt for pure silence. In order for that to happen, you'll want to make sure your telephone won't disturb you. Pick up ring silencers if your phones don't already have them. Ideally you want to convey the sense that there will be no interruptions.
Since you'll be setting the scene for pleasuring the senses, you may want to include something for your palate. Pour a glass of wine or champagne or a special non-alcoholic beverage to please your tastebuds. I would recommend that you avoid eating heavy meals before a sexual encounter. A very full stomach usually contributes more to lethargy than passion. Feeding your partner bite sized pieces of fruits such as kiwi, banana, papaya, grapes or strawberries can be incorporated into your foreplay.
Speaking of foreplay, yours can begin at the dinner table when hands and feet can sneak beneath the tablecloth. Or it can start at the movies, in the park, on the couch or even at the kitchen counter with the proper inspiration! Another form of foreplay to consider is a well placed note or invitation for an interlude of pleasure later on. Good places to hide your note include your lover's wallet, makeup case, briefcase, on the refrigerator, on the steering wheel of the car or on the private voice mail at work! Of course, flowers delivered with the note can go a long way too.
Another way to set the mood includes looking at sexual media together. There are so many choices available to suit your erotic tastes. The main dilemma is working your way through all the choices to create the atmosphere you desire. If you select a video tape and decide to have sex while watching it, it can turn into a totally safe sex version of group sex. One couple I know read erotic stories to each other both before and after dinner. They went to bed earlier than any couple I know. Xandria offers many excellent erotic images in both video and books.
Videos or erotic stories offer great ideas for creating your own fantasies as part of your mood. This can include specially selected clothing which you strip off as the mood intensifies! Lingerie and sexy outfits are easily available for both men and women now. Think of what your partner likes to see and make your selection based on emphasizing your sexiest traits. Fantasies, like champagne to the palate, offer effervescence for the mind. The themes are innumerable. You can play virgin with the experienced lover, prom night revisited, doctor and patient with a "special" examination, hitchhiker gets "picked up" or pimp and whore. You can resurrect experiences from the past or search out taboo topics containing powerful emotional energies to boost sexual excitement.
One last aspect of setting the mood that must not be neglected is time. You can create a very elaborate scene, but if it is not well timed or doesn't allow enough time to be savored, all may be lost. Most couples who complain to me that they are bored by their sex lives usually don't set aside time or leave it last on the list of things to do when the day is done. That doesn't leave much energy for enjoyment and appreciation of the special efforts that often go into setting the mood. This is so true of couples today, particularly when both are working outside the home.
One fairly successful recommendation I have made to couples like this is to have a "naked picnic" after coming home from work. One person brings the picnic to the bedside (or wherever it is happening) and both bring their naked (or sexily clothed bodies). A beverage is served, followed by some erotic explorations and then "dinner is served" in the form of the bedside picnic. This usually leads to more energetic sex than what is often had at 11:30 PM and also leaves a little time to handle minor household duties later.
Designing and orchestrating fantasies requires that you treat your partner as a lover and not take him or her for granted. When you first began dating that person, no doubt you planned special events and rendezvous constantly. It is that same energy that is necessary, although usually in smaller doses, for "setting the mood" in relationships that have weathered the test of time.
If you enjoyed this segment, you may also be interested in the audio tape series I co-authored called Love, Sex and Dating in the 90', as well as the video series called How to Meet Women and How to Meet Men. They are all available in the Xandria Collection. Thank you very much for listening. I'm Dr. Louanne Cole wishing you great sex!