Romantic Tips to Increase the Sexual Passion in Your Relationship
Author: Dr. Louanne Cole-Weston
While there is no single way to increase the sexual passion in your relationship, there are many wonderful approaches you can explore with your partner. Exploration usually leads to surprises and away from boredom. As you read these romantic ideas, you will probably hear some things that will pique your curiosity. Take that as a clue to yourself -- from yourself. Delve into the areas that please you and create your own variations as you go. If your relationship is in constant conflict, implementing these romantic tips most likely will not solve the problems you are facing. Seeking the help of a therapist who specializes in counseling couples would be the best idea.
If your relationship is essentially a fulfilling one but has just slipped into a pattern of predictability, your partner will very likely notice your efforts to enhance your relationship. Often even the very shy can be creative when given the kind of encouragement that's right for them. It's an important idea to keep in mind that you'll want to do things that will spark a positive response in your partner. After all, sexual passion requires two turned on people -- not just one with a "great idea."
Some of the tips that you'll read here are designed to encourage the type of intimate, loving, emotional contact that many people crave before getting involved in sexual activity. Others are included to specifically convey to your partner the affection that you feel. And others will describe some ways to help you or your partner overcome some inhibitions that may limit the excitement you experience during sex.
First, allow your mind to wander. Turn down the volume of your censors. Don't immediately rule out an idea because you've never done "that" before. You'll probably get the result you're looking for precisely because you've never before done that unusual thing!
Second, as you read these romantic tips, think about whether you want to incorporate them into your relationship exactly the way I'm describing them or whether you want to make them unique to your relationship by personalizing them.
There are many very simple things that take little effort, but often have a wonderful effect. Some of them involve letting your partner know in novel ways that you are thinking of him or her. Leave a love note in your partner's wallet, purse or briefcase. Notes often are really appreciated when they acknowledge either an accomplishment or a difficult challenge your partner is facing.
Keep a stash of greeting cards on hand that include sexy messages, "missing you" thoughts, apologies and "I'm glad that you're in my life" declarations.
You'll also want to have or create your own cards of encouragement. For example, if your partner is trying to lose weight, you might place a loving or sexy note inside the refrigerator on the most tempting food item. On the note suggest a sexual or sensual activity instead of eating. You can do other simple things such as making a coupon which entitles the bearer to a foot rub or back rub or a "blank" rub where your partner fills in the blank!
If you want to get your partner's attention in a more unusual way, the sky is the limit! And here's where personalizing your idea can really pay off. You can hire a musician to play a special song that has a particular meaning to you. Or have a song sung to your love and rewrite the lyrics slightly to include an "in-joke" between the two of you. Or you could simply request "your song" to be played on a radio station when caller's requests are being taken. With the ease of desktop publishing, you can create artistic expressions of your feelings designed by you for your special person.
Other ways of communicating your feelings might need no words at all. You could send a piece of lingerie by Federal Express to your lover. Depending on your preference, it could be something you would like your partner to wear, something you intend to wear or something you have already worn that carries your scent! Or you could have a seemingly innocent item delivered to your partner inside of several boxes nesting inside one another. This item would be a special one that has meaning to the two of you that others would not necessarily know. The idea of a secret communication between two people has often been a key ingredient in creating romance.
Another key ingredient of romance is the feeling that you and your partner are the only two people in the world at that moment. When you first met and were courting I suspect that often neither of you even noticed any other people around you. To enhance that feeling, choose activities that draw you away from the crowds or distractions. Moonlit walks can be very romantic and some couples make a habit of taking walks together each month when the moon is full. Picnics in remote scenic spots revive the feelings of romance because the absence of others emphasize your togetherness.
I frequently recommend "naked picnics" to my therapy clients to revive the sexual romance of their relationship. This is great for couples who have demanding schedules and usually by 10:00 PM are either exhausted or fast asleep with little energy for sex. To have a "naked picnic" you'll need the picnic food. In this case, the best foods are bite size and sensual. Select a beverage and glasses that are special for the two of you. Bring all of this to your bedside.
If you don't already have the ability to play music in your bedroom, arrange that. Tapes are often better than the radio since jarring commercials can sometimes air at just the wrong moment. Select some music that you both like.
If you're both just getting home from work, bathe together to ease the transition between "work time" and "romance time." With the day's cares washed off of you both, venture into the bedroom for quiet love talk and sips of your beverage. Feel free to nibble on your picnic or on each other. Ease yourselves into sensual or sexual time together. Later, if you want, you can finish eating the "dinner" right there at your bedside. Then, while there is still some evening time left, you can get up and do some of the household chores that don't require alertness or a lot of energy but still need to be done.
Underlying all of these tips is the idea that you are treating your partner as your lover and not someone that you take for granted. Surprise is an important element. If you're not usually the type to place an erotic phone call to your partner, try stepping outside your pattern and leave a spicy message on his or her private voice mail. Show up some place unexpected with helium balloons that have been personalized with a message on them. Or attach a note to them that spells out a romantic plan for your partner to follow.
Keep in mind that sexual passion, to a certain degree, is a frame of mind and it is often highly contagious. Sexual excitement and enthusiasm tend to increase as one's mind dwells on an anticipated event. Remember that whatever you focus on tends to grow. Keep your focus on making some magic happen in your relationship. You have an excellent chance of enhancing sexual passion if you remember how you felt when you were courting one another. If you have been in your relationship a while, then you have the added benefit of knowing your partner's preferences and being able to tailor your gestures and ideas to evoke the best possible response.