Increasing your Orgasmic Response During Intercourse -- Tips for Women
Author: Dr. Louanne Cole-Weston
Many women have asked me for suggestions to increase their orgasmic response during intercourse. Intercourse works fairly well for men, but not always so well for women. Most men get their orgasm through straightforward stroking and friction. But for many women, simple in-and-out stroking of their vaginas does not lead to orgasm. This is particularly frustrating to women because many enjoy intercourse as an emotional connection to their partner and a sensual one, but often one that does not lead to orgasm.
The state of sexual science has evolved during the 20th century and the scientists have often had something to say about the issue of orgasm for women during intercourse. Freud convinced us that vaginally induced orgasms were "mature" and clitorally induced ones were "immature." Masters and Johnson studied the physiology of sexual response and concluded that there was no real difference between the orgasmic responses whether they were stimulated by vaginal, clitoral, breast or earlobe stimulation! In other words, an orgasm was an orgasm. Shere Hite came along shortly thereafter and threw her weight behind the importance of clitoral stimulation with the startling (though often challenged) statistic that 80% of women required clitoral stimulation in order to have orgasm during intercourse.
Multiple orgasms were next on the agenda. The sexual scientists were curious about how this happened for women and if it happened for men. Not long behind came the popularization of orgasms derived from stimulating the G-Spot, a so-called area of increased sensitivity inside the vagina. All this is to say that our fascination with the occurrence of orgasm for women during intercourse has much history. It has also left a lot of women (and men) wondering just what is "normal" and what they can do to increase their pleasure experienced during intercourse.
For many women clitoral stimulation is necessary for orgasm to occur. And some women who are orgasmic from exclusively vaginal stimulation desire extensive clitoral stimulation as a "starter" or say that having an orgasm by clitoral stimulation makes it easier to have a vaginally induced orgasm later. So, clitoral stimulation can be provided by the women's hand, her partner's hand or by a vibrator. Speaking of hands, they can be simultaneously used on breasts, the anus, armpits or on any spot where the woman finds sexual pleasure during intercourse.
Stimulating a partner's clitoris is an art requiring some talent, some intuition and some experience, but it also requires feedback from the woman. Providing feedback and being able to communicate is an essential aspect of the sexual experience that leads to increased orgasmic response in women (and in men). This feedback can be directly made with verbal expressions or indirectly conveyed by body language. You can say, "This feeling right now is marvelous! Keep going..." or "Wow, that feels fabulous, please don't stop!" You can move your body to communicate a particular rhythm or move your partner's body to tell him what you want and where you want it. You can also sigh and moan. In general, it is enhancing to let yourself make whatever sounds you want. Suppressing sounds, except when absolutely necessary, can have an inhibiting effect on your arousal.
Many women say that in order to have an orgasm during intercourse (or any other way, for that matter!) they need to get themselves ready for it. This readiness involves physical aspects of the sexual encounter and mental aspects. Though orgasms are physical responses, most orgasmic women use their minds to lead their bodies to orgasm. Some do this by merging their minds with the purely physical sensations. Others do more than this. They arouse themselves in advance of the sexual encounter, they do their best to minimize things that would detract or distract them from their pleasure, they allow all their senses to participate and they create or allow in erotic input. To increase your orgasmic response, you need to provide yourself with plenty of stimulation.
Let's start with some of the physical aspects of sex. If you were to talk about sex with as many women as I have, you would learn that no one intercourse position works for orgasmic women. Some prefer being on top to have control of their movements, yet others feel they have more control of the man's movements when he's on top. Side-by-side facing each other is just right for some women and rear entry from the side or from above does it for others.
Some positions are better because they allow easy access to the clitoris. And some are preferred because they feel more emotionally connected, such as with face-to-face positions. The key here is to try many different positions and then once you have found what pleases you, be sure to include that when you're feeling ready to have an orgasm.
Many women choose a particular position because it creates a sensation in their vaginas that is very pleasurable to them. Some call it their G-Spot, which is short for Grafenberg Spot, though I'm sure these women like to think of it as their "good spot."
In 1982 the concept of the G-Spot reappeared in sexual science. To be quite honest, the jury is still out on this one. It has been described as a spot about the size of a dime or a quarter, which lies in the wall of the vagina toward the front of the body about halfway between the pubic bone and the cervix. Proponents have suggested that when the G-Spot region is stimulated with a deep, firm pressure, it may swell and even trigger orgasm.
Other researchers have questioned the existence of any vaginal area capable of triggering orgasm without continuing clitoral stimulation. Still others have suggested that many areas within the vagina are capable of swelling and of triggering orgasm. What seems to be true from my interviews with women is that some women, though not all, do have a region of vaginal sensitivity that is near the location of the G-spot. I would encourage you to experiment with pressure in that general area if you are interested.
Exercising your PC muscle (short for pubococcygeus) gives many women tone and strength in the muscle that contracts during orgasm. Before and during intercourse experiment with contracting your PC muscle. This is called doing Kegel exercises. When you exercise it, you bring blood to it (just like any other muscle). When more blood than usual collects in the pelvic area, you will have the beginning physical sensation of sexual arousal. It's a great way for women (or for men) to jump start your motor and to get in the mood.
Earlier I mentioned the in-and-out stroking of intercourse. I'd like to return to that for a few moments. In general, if a women wants to have an orgasm during intercourse, she must pay more attention to pleasing herself than her partner during certain moments. Dr. Stephen Levine suggests that the vagina is much more responsive to lateral or side-to-side movement of its walls than to in-and-out stimulation. Many women who are regularly orgasmic during intercourse in the "Look ma, no hands" style have discovered that when the penis is fully inside the vagina, they can make circular bump-and-grind motions to bring themselves to orgasm. This may be easier when the woman is on top, but can be done from the bottom too.
Other women who have orgasms during intercourse move their clitoris against the male's pubic bone in an up-and-down motion from head to toe while keeping the erection deep inside their vaginas. In both of these intercourse movements as well as some others, the woman must take responsibility for moving her pelvis in ways that feel good, rather than in ways she thinks are normal, proper or ladylike. A great many women forego sexual pleasure because they are reluctant to ever really take charge of what goes on during sex.
This leads to the other aspect of readiness for the sexual encounter -- the mental participation. Some women shortchange themselves by not allowing their actions and stimulations to match the tone of their fantasies. This can have the effect of "stripping the gears" and getting nowhere fast. Sexually responsive women accept themselves totally. This means body, mind and genitals. It also means surrendering yourself to the experience, not thinking about your errands for tomorrow.
So, you need to direct your attention to your sexual sensations and the experience. You need to be there mentally and focus on your lovemaking. Take the attitude that nothing else exists but that moment. Separate yourself from the outside world and its cares. Eliminate any distractions you can by thoughtfully setting up the sexual encounter. Find ways to let go of any tendency to dwell on shortcomings in your partner or in the situation.
Probably the most powerful tool you have to enhance your sexual pleasure is your ability to fill your mind with erotic images before and during your sexual encounter. The fact that many women dream to orgasm from time to time and that some can have orgasms with no stimulation except fantasizing tells us plainly that we can miss out on a lot if we don't use our heads during sex.
Erotic images come and go in most women's minds. You can merge your mind with sensations, you can concentrate on your mind's images or you can combine them into one arousing experience. Your images can be in slow motion, center spotlight or close-up. They can seem very real or be fairly vague. You can develop complicated plots complete with props and a cast of characters or you can focus your mind's eye on one image as though it were a slide projected on a screen.
A key to enhancing your ability to have orgasms during inter- course is to figure out what your "surefire" stimulation is so you can use it when you're ready to turn up the heat on your arousal or give it a boost if it's stalling. For many women that surefire method is not in-and-out intercourse movements.
If your pleasure is not mounting, stop what you're doing and start up again with something that works for you. Take note of what that might be. It could be a change in the physical arrangement or the addition of mental or emotional stimulation such as sexual talk, affectionate talk, vivid fantasy or pictures or movies. Use your "triggers" as you approach orgasm to carry you into it. Combine the elements you want and let your partner know how he can contribute to your pleasure and your orgasm.
If you enjoyed this article, you may also be interested in the video series called How to Meet Women and How to Meet Men. They are both available in the Xandria Collection.