Advanced Masturbation
Author: Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
Hi! I'm Betty Dodson, author of Sex for One and several erotic sex-ed videos that are available from the Xandria Collection.
In my sexuality workshops for women, I designed a guided masturbation ritual that allowed us to experience a variety of pelvic movements, breathing patterns, body positions and electric vibrator techniques. When a woman would complain that "it all sounded too mechanical," I smiled and said, "There are ten rigid rules to spontaneity." Every artist knows it takes years to master her craft. If we consider sex an art form, then masturbation is the best way to practice.
When we practice selfloving, it's important to hear ourselves breathing out loud. Any sexual build-up needs oxygen. Next is moving your pelvis just like Elvis by rocking back and forth while flexing and releasing your muscles. Finally, keep your vibrator moving with a light touch. Don't rely on bearing down and applying more pressure for your buildup. The sensitive clitoris will be mauled by a vibrating monster. Lighten up, get the good feelings and then turn them loose. The sensation of pleasure will return in a few seconds. We are so starved for good, direct clitoral stimulation that the when we finally get it, we don't want to let it go. One of the most voluptuous feelings is to completely relax after getting a strong sexual charge. Feel it, squeeze it and release it. Then go get it again.
Just like the weight trainer pumping iron, I flex and release my muscles while using the breath. Pumping pleasure is athletic and physical. When orgasm happens, it's the result of the involuntary system of the body. No matter how hard I try, I cannot will an orgasm. My mind needs to be quieted or occupied with a sexual fantasy so it won't interfere with the flow of sexual energy in my body. Learning to trust and listen to our bodies is an important step towards having fuller orgasms. When someone says, "who cares about having better orgasms?" I've come up against every teacher's dilemma -- what you don't know, you don't miss. All I can say is, "try it, you might like it."
My personal advanced masturbation technique is engaging all my senses of sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. The room has candle light, sensuous fabrics and soft pillows. Sometimes I spray a bit of my favorite perfume on the pillow or burn incense. My sex toys are available with a bottle of massage oil. There is a tray with spring water and sometimes, fresh fruit. The VCR has a porn tape with the sound turned off because I prefer to listen to good rock-and-roll rather than the faked sounds of female orgasms that I hear on most X-rated videos. I have a mirror alongside the bed so I can also see myself. The phone is turned off and I've cleared a couple of hours of private time.
The ritual varies, but I always begin by oiling my genitals. Then I might spread the touch to other parts of my body, watching the video, glancing at myself in the mirror and looking down at the landscape of myself. At first, no one element gets my undivided attention. I'm roaming through a garden of earthly delights, savoring whatever appeals to me from moment to moment. Oiling my crystal dildo, I do slow penetration and after a series of PC repetitions, I add my electric massager to my clitoris. (To get in touch with your PC muscle, simply stop the flow of urine.)
After I'm turned on, I oil my lavender butt plug and begin anal penetration. Still using my PC muscle, I bear down slightly while breathing deep and gently push the butt plug inside. Once the plug is in place, I start moving my dildo in and out slowly while maintaining a light touch with the vibrator on my clitoris. The butt plug is designed to remain inside. When I prop my dildo on a pillow, it frees one hand so I can caress my nipples or suck on a slice of orange or mango. Sometimes I'll concentrate on a single sensation. Other moments seem to be filled with a symphony of sexual sensations.
When I finally soar into my first orgasm, I hear my own sounds of pleasure as I laugh, moan, groan, sigh, chant or talk out loud. "Yes, yes. Get it honey, get it all. More, more." Right after my first orgasm, I cover my clitoris with one hand and keep vibrating, breathing and panting out loud. In a few moments the hypersensitivity has passed and I'm into another build up, ready to soar back into outer space where I am my body and my senses. These advanced masturbation sessions are saved for special occasions like a full moon ritual or a celebration with a partner. When I'm in the mood for a casual come, I still thoroughly enjoy my fifteen minute maintenance orgasms. The idea is to have a sexual repertoire and I developed mine by experimenting with advanced masturbation.
The final frontier of exploring my sexuality is letting my mind roam freely, even into the darkest corners of my primitive brain without any moral judgments or worrying about whether or not my fantasies are "politically correct" or just plain too perverted. I have learned to allow all kinds of images and thoughts free reign and not worry if I'm "normal."
In my youth, I only thought about my romantic lover when I had sex with myself. Having a fantasy about someone else would have seemed like cheating. Next it was sensate focus where I simply paid attention to the sensations in my body. Finally, after drawing sex, reading many erotic books and looking at X-rated videos, my fantasy repertoire gradually expanded. Now that I'm clear I own my own mind and thoughts, my fantasies have become outrageous. The only censor will be me and I can usually override her which leaves me free to bring out the football team, the boy scout troop or the Amazons warriors who all have their way with my helpless body tied to a tree or stretched out on an elaborate bondage table. Advanced masturbation requires advanced sexual fantasies and the older I get, the more important my fantasy life has become. Enjoy each session of advanced masturbation by freeing your mind as well as your body.