Anal Eroticism
Author: Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
Hi! I'm Betty Dodson, author of Sex for One and producer of several erotic sex-ed videos all available from The Xandria Collection. During 18 years of running sexuality workshops for women, I've seldom been asked about anal eroticism. The poor anus. In our puritanical society, it's the last part of our bodies to get any love or affection. Yet the anus is highly sensitive with all its nerve endings which means it has great potential for becoming an erogenous zone.
Before getting into anal play with a partner, it's a good idea to become familiar with your own. Get a mirror so you'll have an image of your sweet little rosebud. As you oil and touch around the opening, pay attention to the different sensations. Using one finger, slowly press in as you slightly bear down to open the sphincter muscles. Take a deep breath all the way down to your anus and let go. There are two rings of sphincter muscles and once they're relaxed, slow penetration is pleasurable.
Once inside, you can tighten and release your PC or pubpcoccygeus muscle that goes around the anus, across the pelvic floor and attaches to the front of the pelvic bone. Keeping this muscle toned ensures the ability to control urination, improves evacuation of the bowels, enhances getting and keeping an erection and to experience fuller orgasms.
One of the most common complaints from workshop women is that men do penetration too quickly. When there is a sense of urgency and a man pushes too fast into the anus, it can be extremely hurtful. My earliest experience with anal sex in my twenties was a disaster. Both young and inexperienced we didn't even know enough to use lubrication and I was far from being relaxed, so there was a hot, burning sensation that made me cry out in pain. To add insult to my injury, my boyfriend mistook my cries of pain for passion and pushed harder to go deeper. When I pulled away from him, I was furious.
After that experience, I didn't have any interest in anal anything until I was in my forties when a woman lover did anal penetration during oral sex. Her slow, delicate movements with lots of lubrication were so erotic that I found myself opening up my angry little asshole. My whole pelvic floor relaxed once I felt trust and then all the wonderful sexual sensations that had been blocked were released. After several more orgasms with anal penetration, I began to heal those old wounds and I added a new dimension to my sexual repertoire. Now when I have a new male lover, I am always the one to do penetration first as a way of demonstrating what I like. Using thin latex gloves actually heightens my sense of touch while it protects my partner's delicate anus from any rough spots on my hands. For anal finger penetration I use a massage oil, but when doing anal sex with a condom, it's important to use a water based lubricant. Another health consideration is that fingers, penises and sex toys can't go from the anus to the vagina without first washing them carefully.
A friend of mine likes to masturbate kneeling over a dildothat stands on a base. As he strokes his penis, he slowly eases down onto the well oiled dildo. When his body finally snaps with orgasm, he's sitting on his dildo with full anal penetration. He feels this ritual balances his Yin and Yang energies by putting him in touch with the divine female principle of receptivity.
When a woman adds anal finger penetration while doing oral sex with her lover, she can also massage his prostate which is guaranteed to heighten his experience of orgasm. The same is true when he stimulates either her vagina or anus with his finger while he performs oral sex on her. Instead of the old in and out movement, I prefer my lover's fingers to be held in place so I can move onto his or her hand to heighten my pleasure. When a person has what I call "a slow hand," the combination of a thumb in my anus, a finger in my vagina and a wet tongue on my clitoris is very erotic.
Butt plugs are specially designed for anal play. They are made of a smooth silicone and have a flared base so they can't slip away into the night. They come in a variety of sizes and are designed to stay in place once they are inserted. This leaves my hands free to move my dildo slowly in and out with one hand, while I move the electric massager on my clitoris with my other hand. Or I can reverse that and keep my dildo in place while I move my butt plug in and out. When anal penetration is done consciously and slowly with lots of lubrication and trust, squeezing and releasing the PC muscle generates erotic feelings that will enhance either a man or a woman's sexual pleasure. Now feel I wasn't experiencing sex fully until I eroticized my anus. Anal sex with myself happens more frequently than with a partner. And even though I'm quite fond of it, it's not something I do on a regular basis. I save it for special occasions. Here's wishing you many happy orgasms that include your sweet little rosebud.